Professional  Cheating  Spouses  Investigations

From 1973 through 2008, a representative sample of Americans has been asked to give their opinions about infidelity. (They are not the same people each year.) For example, they respond to the question, “A married person having sexual relations with someone other than their spouse is…” with the answer choices being, “always wrong,” “almost always wrong,” “sometimes wrong,” or “not wrong at all.” From 1991 through 2008, survey participants who had ever been married were also asked to indicate whether they had ever cheated on their spouse. See how accurately you can guess their responses by answering these 5 questions. The answers follow.

1. True or False:

Over time, Americans have become less judgmental about cheating. Specifically, from 1973 through 2008, the percent who say that “a married person having sexual relations with someone other than their spouse is always wrong” has steadily decreased.

2. True or False:

The number of ever-married men who admit to having cheated on their spouse is nearly 50%.

3. True or False:

Among those who have ever been married, more men than women admit to having cheated on their spouse.

4. True or False:

Men and women are becoming more similar in their rates of cheating (or at least in their self-reports of their rates of cheating).

5. True or False:

Fewer than half of all cheaters believe that marital infidelity is always wrong.

Answers:

1. False.

The percent of Americans who say that cheating is always wrong has actually increased, from around 65% in 1973 to about 81% in 2008. (Data are from the first graph in the article.)

2. False.

Between 1991 and 2008, somewhere between about 20% to 25% of men admit to having cheated on their wives.

3. True.

Rates of admitted infidelity for women have ranged between about 10% and 15%, compared to the 20 to 25% for men.

4. True.

Among people 65 and older, women were only half as likely as men to say that they cheated. Among people ages 18 to 24, women were 81% as likely as men to admit to infidelity.

5. False.

Among people who have admitted to cheating, 64% say that infidelity is always wrong. Of those who claim to have always been faithful, though, the corresponding number is 86%.

(Source www.psychologytoday.com)

According to research conducted by Boston University sociology professor Deborah Carr, up to 25 percent of married men admitted to sleeping with someone other than their spouse during their marriage. However, it’s not just waning attraction that prompts men to be unfaithful—there are countless other reasons men stray. “Cheating happens for a variety of reasons,” says Dr. Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW. “Individuals can get bored, or just feel emotionally disconnected to from their partners. It’s important to also recognize that there are some people who cheat because they can.”

And while infidelity can be a crushing blow in a marriage, there are often indications that can tip you off to your spouse’s extramarital affairs. Before you’re blindsided by infidelity, brush up on these 30 subtle signs your husband is cheating. And if you’re concerned your own spouse might stray, it’s time to learn these 30 Things People Will Say if They Want to Cheat.

1. The intimacy has waned.
Sex shouldn’t be the only type of intimacy in a marriage, but to deem it unimportant is a major oversight. If your husband suddenly seems to have no interest in sex, despite being in decent health both physically and mentally, it’s often a sign that something is amiss. And when you want to keep your marriage from hitting the skids, make sure you know these 40 Secrets of Couples Who’ve Been Married 40 Years.

2. He brings his phone everywhere with him.
Though it should come as no surprise that most adults bring their phones practically everywhere with them, if your husband is suddenly insisting that he needs his phone when he showers, it could be a sign he’s hiding something like an affair. “It’s not difficult to imagine that cell phones harbor wealth of information, including texts, videos, and e-mails. Hiding a cell phone or taking it to the bathroom or even on the shortest trip to take out trash is a red flag. It means that the partner doesn’t want us to see something,” says sex therapist Dr. Damian Sendler, MD, PhD.

3. He starts talking frequently about another woman.
Does your husband’s new coworker or friend seem to occupy his thoughts with surprising frequency? Does he always seem to find a way to work them into his stories? If your husband is preoccupied by someone else to the point that he can’t stop talking about them, it could be a sign he’s straying. And for more un-slick behavior from the less-than-faithful, check out these 17 Dumb Ways Men Have Been Busted Cheating.

4. He accuses you of cheating.
One strange sign he might be seeing someone else? He’s constantly accusing you of the same thing. Believe it or not, some unfaithful husbands will actually cheat because they’re worried their partner might do the same. “Cheating can also happen because one partner is afraid that they will get cheated on so they decide to be the first to do it. Decisions like this are rooted in insecurities and fears of abandonment,” says Powell.

5. He showers you with gifts.
It’s always nice to come home to flowers and gifts, but unfortunately, a sudden flood of random presents can also be a sign that he’s cheating. A guilty conscience can often prompt cheaters to overextend themselves to their spouses, meaning that designer bag he brings you or expensive vacation he offers to whisk you away on aren’t necessarily the signs of his love and devotion you assumed them to be.

6. He’s suddenly taking care of himself.
It may be nice to see your significant other putting some work into their health and appearance, but those long hours at the gym might not be for you. When your husband suddenly has a new reason to look good naked, don’t be surprised if he’s suddenly hyper-aware about the calories in his favorite foods or the lack of definition in his calves.

“When people are cheating, they often feel as if they are a new person, kind of like when they originally fell in love with their spouse. The thrill of the romance, of being desired, or confidence may make them seem like an entirely different person,” says certified Imago Relationship Therapist Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, co-founder of The Marriage Restoration Project.

7. He responds to your questions with one-word answers.
A breakdown in communication is not only sometimes a precursor to cheating, but a sign it’s already happening. If the only thing you can glean about those supposed after-work drinks he had with his friends is that they were “fine,” you might want to start looking further into what else he might be hiding from you.

8. He’s constantly texting someone, but won’t specify who.
If your husband has a relatively small social circle, but suddenly has someone he’s texting at all hours of the night, you might be seeing the nascent signs of an affair. In fact, the thrill of hiding the new relationship from a significant other might even be what keeps him going back for more. “There is a thrill that comes from being secretive and trying not to get caught. Cheating can create a relationship that has excitement and risk. It can indicate a break from the monotony of the relationship with one’s primary partner,” says Powell.

9. He’s spending a lot.
Those suddenly high credit card bills aren’t just the result of him switching from Trader Joe’s to Whole Foods. In many affairs, showering a new significant other with gifts keeps the spark alive—and often leads to some serious spending.

10. He picks fights.
If your husband has suddenly found someone who feels like an escape from the monotony of your marriage, don’t be surprised if he starts noticing every little flaw in you. Strange as it may seem, those bizarre fights over how you do your hair or unpack the dishwasher could be a sign that he’s seeing someone else.

11. His daily routine has changed.
Your husband has suddenly taken to waking up at 5:00 a.m. to hit the gym, having previously waited in bed until the last possible second to get out the door for work—what gives? Unfortunately, this sudden change in routine could be a sign of infidelity. With someone new to make time for, don’t be surprised if his schedule suddenly shifts.

12. He’s suddenly passionate about surprising new interests.
You spent years trying to get your husband to see a ballet with you or try Ethiopian food, to no avail, but now, he’s suddenly telling you about how amazing Le Sacre du Printemps is? It could be a sign he’s cheating. Those new interests don’t stem from out of nowhere—they could be shared with his new significant other.

13. He’s acting insecure.
Affairs don’t offer the commitment or security of a traditional relationship, which often means that men involved in them can start acting insecure with their partners. If your husband is suddenly acting needier or has new concerns about his success or attractiveness, it could be a sign he’s cheating.

14. His friends are being especially chummy with you.
Sometimes, the guilt that comes along to an affair doesn’t stop at the people involved. If your husband’s friends are suddenly treating you like their BFF, even when you haven’t been that close in the past, it could be a sign your spouse is cheating and has let some members of his inner circle in on the news.

15. He expresses disgust about other people.
Your husband has rarely discussed other women in front of you before, but suddenly, he’s all-too-eager to tell you just how unattractive even supermodels are to him. If this is the case, he could be overcompensating for some of his real-life dalliances to make you feel more secure.

16. He’s becoming more unreliable.
You used to be the center of your husband’s world, but these days, you feel like more of an afterthought. Unfortunately, this could be a sign that he’s being unfaithful. When your relationship stops being top priority, your husband may give himself some additional license to do the things that spending his free time with you sometimes prevented, like going out all night with friends, or claiming that he doesn’t know when he’ll be back from a specific activity.

“This excuse may seem benign, but it is a red flag when someone is in a committed relationship. If it happens once or twice, it’s probably not a big deal; But when it is said prematurely and way ahead of making plans for the evening, that is something worth paying attention to,” says Sendler.

17. He’s liking all of someone’s posts on social media.
Many people enter into affairs as a means of finding some kind of validation they feel like they’re missing out on. As such, many men will go to great lengths to show their admiration for the people they’re cheating with—in many cases, liking virtually all of their posts on social media. And for more questionable digital behavior, check out these 20 Social Media Habits That Are Technically Cheating.

18. He tries to get you to stop doing nice things for him.
With cheating often comes a fair amount of guilt, which leads some husbands to get their spouses to stop doing nice things for them. If he goes out of his way to tell you that you shouldn’t be making dinner or buying him gifts, it could be a sign he’s feeling guilty about his affair. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Carrie Krawiec, some men will also experience “extreme guilt and say, ‘I’m a bad person’ with no explanation.”

19. He stops kissing you during sex.
Sex is an inherently intimate experience, but when someone’s cheating, it becomes significantly less so. If your spouse is no longer looking at you during sex, bails on the foreplay, or won’t even kiss you during the act, it could be a sign his mind is wandering elsewhere.

20. He wants to have sex constantly.
While some cheaters are eager to stop having sex with their primary partners, others start wanting sex non-stop. The affair that’s reinvigorated his libido may mean he’s all-too-eager to tear your clothes off the second he gets home.

21. He stops talking to you.
You used to be able to talk to your husband about anything, often spending hours at a time just discussing your day or joking around with one another. However, cheaters will often stop engaging in this kind of intimate rapport with their spouse as soon as they find someone else—possibly someone who piques their interest more than you—to have those conversations with.

22. He starts talking to you about a “friend’s” cheating habits.
Sometimes cheating husbands try to be discreet about their dalliances, but can’t help but discussing them anyway. Many cheating spouses will try to gauge their significant other’s reaction to a story about cheating by framing it as though it was something told to him by a friend in confidence—or will ask them what they’d do if they were in the same situation.

“This hypothetical question, especially when asked in the context of relationship plans, may sometimes signal that our partner probes us to understand our beliefs or response to hypothetical problems, should they be seeing someone else,” says Sendler.

23. He’s spending more time at work.
Between the guilt of having an affair and the waning attraction to their spouse, many men will make virtually any excuse to stay out of the house. In some cases, this means logging long hours at work—or at least pretending to.

24. He accuses you of acting crazy.
Deflection is a key tool in the cheater’s arsenal, meaning that even if he’s engaging in some seriously suspect behavior, he won’t admit that anything’s amiss. Instead, he’ll simply tell you that you’re acting irrational, or even suggest you get into therapy for your jealousy issues.

25. His wardrobe has suddenly changed.
If your jeans-and-t-shirt kind of guy is suddenly decking himself out in Armani suits, a new partner may be influencing his tastes. In addition to hitting the gym more often and being more careful about their grooming, many cheating husbands will make sure their wardrobe looks like a million bucks to please the new object of their affection.

26. He gives you access to all of his passwords when you ask him what’s up.
Practiced cheaters aren’t stupid: they know that being too secretive will only make you suspicious. So instead, some cheating husbands—particularly those who’ve done it before—will give you unfettered access to their email, phone, and social media accounts, knowing that their messages to their fellow cheater are safely hidden elsewhere.

27. He gets mad when you ask questions about his whereabouts.
Usually a question as innocuous as, “How was the grocery store?” won’t trigger a massive emotional response—unless you’re dealing with a cheater, that is. Cheating can be stressful for everyone involved, meaning your husband suddenly starts acting like anything you ask him is akin to the Spanish Inquisition.

28. He doesn’t go to bed at the same time as you.
While different work schedules sometimes prevent couples from getting to bed at the same time, a sudden shift your husband’s bedtime routine could be a sign of a cheater. There’s no safer time to message a mistress than when your significant other is sound asleep, after all.

29. He goes into too much detail when he explains where he’s been.
Though some cheating husbands will virtually refuse to give any information about their whereabouts, others will do anything in their power to cover their backs. This means that a simple, “Who was at the party?” will merit a full rundown of every single person there, the décor, and the exact recipe for the host’s famous sangria.

“When stories seem inconsistent in recapitulating events of the day, that’s a red flag. For example, someone says they were able to buy something for us in a town nearby, even though you know they wouldn’t have the time to be there, that’s a sign something might be on the horizon. Another red flag is when the person seems very excited (too excited) to share some information with us, especially when we didn’t ask them to justify where they’ve been,” says Sendler.

30. He has issue in the bedroom.
Sometimes, changes in your husband’s sexual habits outside of your bedroom can mean changes in the bedroom too. This can sometimes mean that reaches climax during sex with you, or at least takes longer to do so.

(Source bestlifeonline.com)

20 SIGNS YOUR ​WIFE IS CHEATING

​I know what it’s like to have something like this keep me up at night. It’s not pretty.

So how does one know what to look for to tell if their ​wife is cheating or not? ​And also, how would you be able to PROVE they are?​

But first, here are the 20 signs.

1. They constantly accuse you of being a cheater.

A common thing found among cheaters, is they tend to accuse others of their own behavior. The reason for this is manipulative in nature. It’s called “gaslighting” and in a way, it’s meant to take the focus off of them and place it on you.

“The gaslighter is cheating — they are planning the secret meetings with their lovers, and getting a rush from it. They are invested in keeping up the charade. To keep you off-kilter, they start accusing you of cheating. The goal is to keep you so busy defending yourself and being emotionally distraught that you don’t have enough time to pay attention to the gaslighter’s own behavior.” -Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D., Psychology Today

If this is something your spouse is doing very often, it’s a big sign your ​wife​ is having an affair.

2. They’ve become more judgmental towards your marriage or relationship.

One thing to note about a cheating spouse is that they usually try to rationalize their behavior. One way of doing this is by making out their marriage or relationship to be worse than it actually is.

It makes them feel like cheating wasn’t a choice, it was a necessity. An “escape” from the horrors of their marital problems. But don’t mistake this for being the truth.

In fact, your marriage could be perfectly fine. This is just their way of rationalizing their own behavior. If you find that your ​wife​ is constantly judging you or the relationship, that’s a sign of cheating. But you’ll need proof, here’s how to get it.

3. Your marriage is suddenly better than ever.

If your marriage is really great right now, I don’t want to burst your bubble, but it could be a sign your spouse is a cheater. This goes more for the relationships that weren’t that great, and then out of nowhere, they’re amazing.

You might even be suspicious of it, and rightfully so. It’s not normal for something to go from bad or okay to amazing. It usually takes effort. So if it happened suddenly, there’s a chance that your spouse is getting their needs met elsewhere.

Anything you didn’t “bring to the table” wouldn’t be that big a deal to them. They’re already getting it from someone else. Now they can focus on the good parts about the marriage, which tend to make them happier and “appreciate” you that much more. Which will in turn, make you happy. (At a very great cost of course.)

4. They look better than normal, more often.

While we all appreciate it when our spouse dresses up nicely for us, it could also be indicative of a cheater. Just think about it.

When you’re single and looking to attract others, what do you do? You try to look your best more often. But once you’re in a committed relationship such as a marriage, this phase dies down. You don’t need to do it anymore. That’s not to say that you don’t want to impress your significant other. But let’s face it, that’s often not the case.

If you find that your ​​wife wasn’t caring about their looks that much, and then suddenly they are,​ that’s a strong sign of cheating going on.

5. They aren’t talking to you as much.

It’s normal for a marriage to get to a point where you aren’t communicating as much as you used to, but it shouldn’t get too bad. This type of thing is detrimental to your relationship.

Not only that, but it’s also a signal your spouse may be cheating. It’s often associated with an emotional affair.

Pretty much, your spouse might have not been getting the feedback they wanted from you whenever they would share a story with you. If this happens enough times, they try to look for someone else to share those stories with instead.

And once they find that person, they aren’t going to confide in you as much. Though this form of cheating is classified as “emotional infidelity,” it’s still cheating nonetheless.

Emotional infidelity is very popular online since it doesn’t require physical presence.

6. They avoid the conversation whenever you try to confront them on it.

It’s normal for your partner to confront you if they feel suspicious about your behavior lately. And if you’ve never actually cheated, you’d more than likely have a good explanation for that behavior.

You’d sit them down and explain everything in a calm manner. You’ve done nothing wrong so why make a big deal of it right? Right. But a cheater? Forget about it.

Typical behavior of a cheating spouse when confronted is anger and gaslighting. You don’t need to look further than an episode of “Cheaters” to see this.

They behave in a similar fashion even if you don’t have proof of them cheating. So if your spouse isn’t reassuring you of their faithfulness towards you, that’s a huge sign of infidelity going on.

7. The intimacy has faded.

It’s a sad moment when sexual attraction fades. And though it could be due to many reasons, a common one is that they’re getting it from someone else.

So if you find that your spouse is constantly rejecting you in the bedroom, that could be a sign of a cheater.

8. They’ve grown to be more disrespectful towards you.

Whether it’s the lack of caring or emotional abuse, when your spouse is increasingly showing disrespect towards you, they’re showing disrespect towards your marriage.

And though arguing and getting irritated by your partner is normal, there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. So when you find them crossing that line again and again. It’s a sign that they do not care for you nor the marriage anymore.

If it’s gotten to that point, then what makes you think they wouldn’t cheat on you? They’ve already shown they don’t care.

9. They guard their phone with their life.

Technology is making it very easy for people to cheat, especially since they can keep in touch with “back-burners.”

Although everyone is entitled to privacy, cheaters are abnormally cautious of leaving their phone around their spouse. For example, if they have their phone connected to the car for music and then take it off just to pump gas? That’s abnormal.

Most people would just leave the music playing and pump the gas. But a cheater is uptight whenever there’s potential access to the device they use to make hidden arrangements with, and it’s near the person they’re trying to hide those arrangements from.

So if your ​wife​ is weirdly protective of their phone, that’s a strong sign ​he could be cheating.

Especially if you consider that lots of people use social media to cheat nowadays. There’s a method I touch upon that may be able to help you catch ​her cheating on social media if she is. Here’s the article.

10. They’re constantly liking the same person’s posts on social media.

The other person is usually someone of the opposite sex. In fact, this could be multiple people. If you’re finding that your spouse is always liking the posts of the same people of the opposite sex over and over, it’s an indication of an affair. (Or at least that they want one.)

And though they might say they’re just a friend or a co-worker, just remember that 85% of all cheating starts in the workplace.

11. They constantly insist that you take a trip to get away.

Whether it’s a trip to go visit family or a vacation with your friends, it doesn’t matter. The reason why cheaters insist you do it is so they can spend more time with the person they’re cheating with.

Most cheating spouses are aware that these kinds of opportunities don’t happen often, that’s why they try to “make it happen.”

12. Unexplained charges on bank or credit card statements.

You may have heard of the phrase “financial infidelity.” It’s when your spouse hides charges from you by creating another account that you don’t know about.

This is a very big predictor of divorce. There’s a reason why cheaters want to hide their transactions. If where they tell you they’ve been doesn’t match up with the statements, their plot is foiled!

Sometimes cheating spouses are too lazy to do this and decide to use a shared account. Maybe they feel as if you’d never really check. But if there are indeed some odd charges on your shared accounts or if you find that your spouse has decided to make a new account, it’s a big sign of cheating.

13. Your gut is telling you.
That’s right. It’s an instinct we as a social species have. We can tell when something is off about our relationship. However, it’s not right all the time. So take that into consideration.

14. Their friends are acting differently toward you.

Often times, your spouse’s friends will know about the cheating going on before you do, if you ever do find out. This is for obvious reasons. People tend to share their escapades with their friends and even their family. There are some cases where this doesn’t happen and they’d rather keep it completely secret.

But if their friends do know, they’re more likely to act very uncomfortable around you. So pay attention to how their friends are acting towards you the next time you have some sort of social gathering.

If you’re feeling really bold, it might even be worth it to ask their friends if your spouse is cheating on you! Their response could be very telling, especially if you catch them off guard. They’ll most likely say no but it’s the body language you want to pay attention to. (Though this could prove to be risky if their friend ends up telling your spouse that you’ve asked such a question.)

15. Their routine has changed dramatically.

Most times, if your spouse wants to make a change in their routine, they will invite you to be part of that change with them.

In a long-term marriage, we tend to get very set in our ways and patterns of daily life. You’ll know your spouse’s routine in and out. So if it changes up out of nowhere, that could be a sign that they’ve changed it up to make time for someone else. So pay attention to their routine and daily activities. There could be some very big signs of infidelity going on.

16. They’ve cheated in the past.

Is the saying: “Once a cheater, always a cheater” true? Maybe not. People do have the ability to change, especially for those they love.

However, studies have shown that people who’ve cheated in the past are more likely to do it aga​​​​in than the average person.

So if your spouse admitted to cheating before, whether it’s on you, with you or on another, just know that there’s a higher risk that they will do it again.

17. Higher use of social media out of the blue.

If your spouse never really used social media in the past, then all of a sudden, they’re making posts more often, there’s a chance that they could be doing it to get more attention from their new & hidden lover.

This goes back to sudden change in behavior being a strong indicator of your spouse having an affair, only this is specific to online behavior.

18. They’re telling you a story they’ve already told you.

Now, if your spouse has always been this way, then it’s probably just normal for them. However, if they’ve recently started doing this, then it’s a sign your spouse could be cheating.

The reason? If your spouse wants to share a story with you, they probably think they haven’t told you yet. They know they told someone (​you & their hidden lover) but they aren’t sure if ​they definitely told you. So they tell you anyway just to make sure.

19. Finding any form of birth control laying around.

If you and your spouse regularly use condoms then this might not be an indicator. But if you don’t and you happen to spot one in the car or in the room, that’s a strong sign there’s an affair going on.

​I’m sure that’s proof enough but if you need more, just use this guide I made for you.

20. If they never use their phone around you.

If you find that your spouse is always on their phone when you’re not around, but all of a sudden, they’re rarely on it when you’re next to them, it’s a strong sign of cheating.

Why? Because a cheater is very paranoid when their phone is near you. They know that there’s a possibility of their “hidden other” texting them at any given moment.

And if you’re there at that moment, they’re busted and will have to come up with an excuse. But they can avoid all of that by just putting their phone on silent and away while they’re with you.

(Source worriedlovers.com/Published by: J​ames Smith Date: ​Oct. ​​3rd, 2018)